A friend who – allegedly – hates puns inadvertently reminded me that I let Star Wars day go by uncelebrated on May the 4th (be with you). Fortunately, last week I also got into a discussion with some of my new coworkers in which that classic get-to-know-people question came up: if you had three wishes, what would they be?
My first two are no-brainers. For me, at least. One: no more diabetes.
Two: Millennium Falcon.
I think having the Millennium Falcon at my disposal would actually keep me pretty much set without spending the third wish. Just think of all the problems I could solve if I had the Falcon!
It’s a mobile home. It’s fast transportation. It’s a thrill ride. It’s a utility vehicle. It comes with built-in security systems. I could have fame and fortune or solitude as I desire. It has little dangling masks that let people breathe in space. It’s got extremely capable long-range scanners. It has a landing claw that lets it stick to Star Destroyers.
Problem: Only twelve humans have ever set foot on another planet, and I am not one of them. Solution: She’ll make point-five past lightspeed!
Problem: I have never been to Barbados. Solution: The Falcon flies just as well in atmosphere as in space! And I don’t have to book a hotel, either!
Problem: people are nosy. Solution: pop-out blaster turrets!
Problem: my hand fell off. Solution: Stick my arm in this tube in the medical bay!
Problem: I keep losing my Lando Calrissian. Solution: the Falcon comes with clips!
Problem: NASA moves too slowly/has no money. Solution: Heck, I’d take planetary scientists to other worlds for ten bucks.
Just about the only thing it can’t do is escape a tractor beam.